Dear Readers,
I just wanted you to let you know that you can keep posted on Boo's health and the rest of the clan as well as any further writing I do here: http://www.jellymom.blogspot.com
If your kids are avid readers like mine, you'll want to check out the Childrens' Book Reviews blog I keep: http://www.jellymom-bookreviews.blogspot.com
A sampler of columns from the archives can be found here: http://www.jellymom.com/columns2.php
And for more great humor and laughs look for my two books, Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent! and Before I Had Kids I Was A Size 9 online at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble and Borders.
Talk to you soon!
Lisa
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The end of Jelly Mom. Thank you!
Dear Readers,
Thank you so much for reading Jelly Mom. Writing for so many of you over the last five years has been a great pleasure.
As you know, one of my kiddos is terminally ill and I have been on sabbatical for the last six months, sending out reprints. Thank you for so generously continuing to receive Jelly Mom. The downtime has allowed me to discern that stepping back from Jelly Mom is the right thing to do and I am writing you today to let you know that I will no longer be writing new Jelly Mom columns or sending out reprints.
Thank you for the coveted space you allowed me in your inbox and for sharing Jelly Mom with your friends and family. I am so happy that I was able to share the antics of the kids I love so much with other parents who treasure their darlings much the same and for everyone else that also read, related and rolled on the floor laughing.
The books will continue to be available through Amazon.com as well as online through Borders and Barnes & Noble. They make wonderful gifts, especially for Mother's Day and birthdays and for those moms currently chasing little ones.
Very sincerely and warmly yours,
Lisa Barker
www.JellyMom.com
Thank you so much for reading Jelly Mom. Writing for so many of you over the last five years has been a great pleasure.
As you know, one of my kiddos is terminally ill and I have been on sabbatical for the last six months, sending out reprints. Thank you for so generously continuing to receive Jelly Mom. The downtime has allowed me to discern that stepping back from Jelly Mom is the right thing to do and I am writing you today to let you know that I will no longer be writing new Jelly Mom columns or sending out reprints.
Thank you for the coveted space you allowed me in your inbox and for sharing Jelly Mom with your friends and family. I am so happy that I was able to share the antics of the kids I love so much with other parents who treasure their darlings much the same and for everyone else that also read, related and rolled on the floor laughing.
The books will continue to be available through Amazon.com as well as online through Borders and Barnes & Noble. They make wonderful gifts, especially for Mother's Day and birthdays and for those moms currently chasing little ones.
Very sincerely and warmly yours,
Lisa Barker
www.JellyMom.com
Monday, March 30, 2009
Toddler-Proofing Your Home In The New Millennium
©Lisa Barker
My home looks like the typical baby-proofed home: guards on the electrical outlets, covers on the doorknobs, latches on the cupboards, and gates strategically set up to keep knee-high explorers safe. Which they don't. All they do is make life more challenging for the adults in the household.
These gadgets are outdated and no match for the baby of the new millennium. It only took two months before both toddlers understood how to get around these impediments to their curiosity. (Even the kittens know how to take out the little plastic pieces that plug into the outlet.)
Needless to say, the gates are all looking haggard and bent and they are pretty much useless due to little ones either running full speed into them to crash them down or wearing them down by scaling them.
The dilemma? How to keep the little ones out of rooms they don’t belong in. The solution? Animatronics.
No kidding. I have one toddler that is scared to death of a dancing musical chicken I have (it clucks to the ever-popular 'Chicken Dance' song) and another that is terrified of the cute blue fuzzy monster made famous by Disney’s "Monsters Inc."
So I have placed these motion sensory activated toys EXACTLY where I don’t want the kids to tread. The results? Success!
Now I have both the pleasure of warding off children and hearing their screams so I know exactly where they are in the house. (In my childhood my mother and grandmother had eyes behind their backs. Now, as a parent, I have dancing toys that look possessed.)
“ROWWWWWWWRRRR!” says the blue monster. “EEEEEEEEEEEK!” says my one-year-old.
“Get away from the computer!” I warn from across the house.
“Pu-cock, PU-COCK!” pipes up the chicken. “Shrieeeeek!” screams my three-year-old.
“Get out of the kitchen!” I call out from another room.
So I've stocked up on animated toys…and now my home looks like an exhibit at Disneyland. And the toddlers sit quietly with unblinking eyes and severe facial tics…but let me point out that they are QUIET and not getting into everything.
And all this I do, not for some sense of retribution (to pay the little goobers back for constantly eking away at my own nerves)--oh, no! No, not at all, no siree, Bob. I'm doing this for their safety. Yeah, that's it.
Heaven knows I love these little ones and wouldn't want a thing to happen to them. Now pass me the remote. There's this talk show I want to catch while somewhere down the hall a chicken dances and a monster growls....
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
My home looks like the typical baby-proofed home: guards on the electrical outlets, covers on the doorknobs, latches on the cupboards, and gates strategically set up to keep knee-high explorers safe. Which they don't. All they do is make life more challenging for the adults in the household.
These gadgets are outdated and no match for the baby of the new millennium. It only took two months before both toddlers understood how to get around these impediments to their curiosity. (Even the kittens know how to take out the little plastic pieces that plug into the outlet.)
Needless to say, the gates are all looking haggard and bent and they are pretty much useless due to little ones either running full speed into them to crash them down or wearing them down by scaling them.
The dilemma? How to keep the little ones out of rooms they don’t belong in. The solution? Animatronics.
No kidding. I have one toddler that is scared to death of a dancing musical chicken I have (it clucks to the ever-popular 'Chicken Dance' song) and another that is terrified of the cute blue fuzzy monster made famous by Disney’s "Monsters Inc."
So I have placed these motion sensory activated toys EXACTLY where I don’t want the kids to tread. The results? Success!
Now I have both the pleasure of warding off children and hearing their screams so I know exactly where they are in the house. (In my childhood my mother and grandmother had eyes behind their backs. Now, as a parent, I have dancing toys that look possessed.)
“ROWWWWWWWRRRR!” says the blue monster. “EEEEEEEEEEEK!” says my one-year-old.
“Get away from the computer!” I warn from across the house.
“Pu-cock, PU-COCK!” pipes up the chicken. “Shrieeeeek!” screams my three-year-old.
“Get out of the kitchen!” I call out from another room.
So I've stocked up on animated toys…and now my home looks like an exhibit at Disneyland. And the toddlers sit quietly with unblinking eyes and severe facial tics…but let me point out that they are QUIET and not getting into everything.
And all this I do, not for some sense of retribution (to pay the little goobers back for constantly eking away at my own nerves)--oh, no! No, not at all, no siree, Bob. I'm doing this for their safety. Yeah, that's it.
Heaven knows I love these little ones and wouldn't want a thing to happen to them. Now pass me the remote. There's this talk show I want to catch while somewhere down the hall a chicken dances and a monster growls....
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Hazards of Working At Home
© Lisa Barker
Moms that choose to run a home-based business are utterly out of their minds. I should know. I am one of those women.
Here’s a list of things you can count on happening, so be prepared.
1) You’ll buy 12 reams of paper for the printer and fax. Yet the very minute you need that paper there’s only one sheet left and a colossal collection of artwork tacked to the dining room wall thanks to the kids.
2) You’ll teach the kids to answer the phone professionally—because you never know who will call. Family, friends and colleagues all remark how well-trained your kids are when answering the phone. Then, a key person for the success of your business calls and gets “Yeah, what?” from a child with a mouthful of peanut butter.
3) Yes, you CAN work in your pajamas from home...if you don’t mind being surprised by UPS or FED EX when you’re the least glamorous.
4) When it comes to Word documents save, save, save as you go because the minute you’re pleased with your work somebody’s chubby little fingers are either going to pull the plug or somehow magically erase the entire document that just took you hours to create.
5) The minute a customer needs to fax you is the precise minute you discover the kids have used up all the ink and while trying to fix the matter it ‘blows up,’ singeing your hair and awing the kids who all chant, “Do that again, Mom!” And then UPS shows up....
6) There is no working through lunch or dinner EVEN if the project you are working on needs to be done YESTERDAY. Just ask a brood of kids to wait ‘just a few more minutes’ and you’ll soon feel like the only caribou among a pack of starving wolves.
7) As soon as your toddler has a diaper blow-out, the phone will ring, your older child will answer promptly and professionally and then hand you the phone. And then UPS shows up....
8) Your husband won’t understand why you must leave the house as soon as he returns from his away-from-home job…but the singed hair, trail of copier paper and smoking diaper should be enough clues for him to figure it out.
9) Be prepared to type with one hand while hugging up a clingy toddler who wants you to look HIM in the eye and not the monitor.
10) Your business cards will make great confetti for toddlers and the perfect ‘tickets’ for the older kids when playing make-believe circus outside...and you'll be running to collect them all right when UPS shows up.
Working at home will be the toughest job you’ll ever have, but quite possibly the one you’ll love the most precisely because of the kids.
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
Moms that choose to run a home-based business are utterly out of their minds. I should know. I am one of those women.
Here’s a list of things you can count on happening, so be prepared.
1) You’ll buy 12 reams of paper for the printer and fax. Yet the very minute you need that paper there’s only one sheet left and a colossal collection of artwork tacked to the dining room wall thanks to the kids.
2) You’ll teach the kids to answer the phone professionally—because you never know who will call. Family, friends and colleagues all remark how well-trained your kids are when answering the phone. Then, a key person for the success of your business calls and gets “Yeah, what?” from a child with a mouthful of peanut butter.
3) Yes, you CAN work in your pajamas from home...if you don’t mind being surprised by UPS or FED EX when you’re the least glamorous.
4) When it comes to Word documents save, save, save as you go because the minute you’re pleased with your work somebody’s chubby little fingers are either going to pull the plug or somehow magically erase the entire document that just took you hours to create.
5) The minute a customer needs to fax you is the precise minute you discover the kids have used up all the ink and while trying to fix the matter it ‘blows up,’ singeing your hair and awing the kids who all chant, “Do that again, Mom!” And then UPS shows up....
6) There is no working through lunch or dinner EVEN if the project you are working on needs to be done YESTERDAY. Just ask a brood of kids to wait ‘just a few more minutes’ and you’ll soon feel like the only caribou among a pack of starving wolves.
7) As soon as your toddler has a diaper blow-out, the phone will ring, your older child will answer promptly and professionally and then hand you the phone. And then UPS shows up....
8) Your husband won’t understand why you must leave the house as soon as he returns from his away-from-home job…but the singed hair, trail of copier paper and smoking diaper should be enough clues for him to figure it out.
9) Be prepared to type with one hand while hugging up a clingy toddler who wants you to look HIM in the eye and not the monitor.
10) Your business cards will make great confetti for toddlers and the perfect ‘tickets’ for the older kids when playing make-believe circus outside...and you'll be running to collect them all right when UPS shows up.
Working at home will be the toughest job you’ll ever have, but quite possibly the one you’ll love the most precisely because of the kids.
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Good-bye Mattel And Company
©Lisa Barker
Dear Mattel and Company,
Our Momma is going to give away all our toys. She means it. We don’t care a whit about all the cars, blocks, stuffed animals and battery operated noisemakers that we have. So Momma is giving them all away to charity and leaving only our favorite playthings around the house.
Things like:
Clean laundry. We love to strew it all over the floor and roll in it before Momma can fold it.
The television remote. This is so much more fun than any noisemaker because it changes the channel and makes Daddy make noise!
Momma’s glass of orange juice. Whee! The itsy bitsy spider went up the garden wall. Down came the OJ and washed the spider down.
The com*put3r k3yb0ar/d. It+s su/ch gr3at fu/n t0 h3lp m0mma typ3!
Dog food. Not only does dog food kibble instantly cover the maximum square footage of floor space, it’s fun to watch Momma fall on her behind as she comes running.
Sofa cushions. How inconvenient to have them tucked in properly. They are much more fun on the floor where we can hop from one to the other like frogs.
Throw rugs. There’s nothing like dragging each other through the house on Momma’s carefully placed throw rugs.
Pencils and crayons. The doors in our house used to be such a boring plain old white. Now they are much more colorful!
The mouse pad. Who’s ingenious idea was it to make such a fun and floppy Frisbee?
Toilet paper. Oh, the uses are endless! We are so good at grabbing the end and running through the house weaving a delicate pattern around the furniture.
It’s MUCH more fun to dump laundry detergent up and down the hall than it is to ride a tricycle.
It’s much more fun to flush items down the toilet than it is to put blocks in a talking container.
It’s so much more fun to mash banana on the laminate floor and slip around than to roller skate.
Thanks for all the time you have taken to research our age group and scientifically define our developmental stages and TRY to invent toys that will please and delight and even educate. But we have learned so much about gravity simply by dropping our food all over the floor. We have learned to count by watching Momma’s red face as she counts to ten. We already know how to do buttons, zippers and ties as we undress ourselves at least three times a day.
Now we need to close this letter and get busy taking all the folded sheets and towels out of the linen closet. SOMEBODY keeps folding them and putting them back. Our work is never done!
Best regards,
Becca (age 3) and Aiden (age 2)
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
Dear Mattel and Company,
Our Momma is going to give away all our toys. She means it. We don’t care a whit about all the cars, blocks, stuffed animals and battery operated noisemakers that we have. So Momma is giving them all away to charity and leaving only our favorite playthings around the house.
Things like:
Clean laundry. We love to strew it all over the floor and roll in it before Momma can fold it.
The television remote. This is so much more fun than any noisemaker because it changes the channel and makes Daddy make noise!
Momma’s glass of orange juice. Whee! The itsy bitsy spider went up the garden wall. Down came the OJ and washed the spider down.
The com*put3r k3yb0ar/d. It+s su/ch gr3at fu/n t0 h3lp m0mma typ3!
Dog food. Not only does dog food kibble instantly cover the maximum square footage of floor space, it’s fun to watch Momma fall on her behind as she comes running.
Sofa cushions. How inconvenient to have them tucked in properly. They are much more fun on the floor where we can hop from one to the other like frogs.
Throw rugs. There’s nothing like dragging each other through the house on Momma’s carefully placed throw rugs.
Pencils and crayons. The doors in our house used to be such a boring plain old white. Now they are much more colorful!
The mouse pad. Who’s ingenious idea was it to make such a fun and floppy Frisbee?
Toilet paper. Oh, the uses are endless! We are so good at grabbing the end and running through the house weaving a delicate pattern around the furniture.
It’s MUCH more fun to dump laundry detergent up and down the hall than it is to ride a tricycle.
It’s much more fun to flush items down the toilet than it is to put blocks in a talking container.
It’s so much more fun to mash banana on the laminate floor and slip around than to roller skate.
Thanks for all the time you have taken to research our age group and scientifically define our developmental stages and TRY to invent toys that will please and delight and even educate. But we have learned so much about gravity simply by dropping our food all over the floor. We have learned to count by watching Momma’s red face as she counts to ten. We already know how to do buttons, zippers and ties as we undress ourselves at least three times a day.
Now we need to close this letter and get busy taking all the folded sheets and towels out of the linen closet. SOMEBODY keeps folding them and putting them back. Our work is never done!
Best regards,
Becca (age 3) and Aiden (age 2)
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Glass of Water For A Drowning Mom
©Lisa Barker
My son is a big complainer when it comes to folding laundry. He’s only seven, but I think he’s capable and this will be a good skill for him as an adult.
Nevertheless, I am constantly thinking of new ways to present this chore without his getting into histrionics. Recently, I called him to my room and showed him my five heaping baskets of clothes. His eyes bugged out. I asked him if he would like to fold these or his own. He very cheerfully volunteered to do his own.
But being the stickler he is for 'fairness' he soon returned with half the basket full of clothes. "These are not mine."
From the center of the mounds of towels I was folding, I asked him if he could fold the extra clothes anyway.
"But they aren't mine."
So I tried guilt. "Fine. Thanks for letting me know I can't count on you."
He didn't crack.
So, I tried philosophy. "Son, if I were drowning in a lake, would you give me a glass of water?"
"What?"
"If I were drowning, would you give me water?"
"Oh," he said, and left the room with me feeling rather smug. I'd successfully avoided a heated confrontation with philosophy! Who says stay-at-home-moms don't use their college education? I congratulated myself on how smart I am and how smart my kids are. And while I was glowing with these thoughts, my son returned...with a glass of water. He had a gleam in his eye, too.
That's how it is with kids. You have to possess the faculties of a lawyer just to stay one step ahead of these munchkins. When you succeed you gloat and enjoy the moment because you're going to fail the next seven moments in a row.
For instance, while I was folding clothes I heard the sound of the lid on the cookie jar being removed. "Who's in the cookie jar?" I yelled down the hall.
"Nobody!"
"Who is nobody?"
"Nicole."
"What are you doing in the cookie jar?"
"Counting them." Suddenly, the nobody that was doing nothing in the cookie jar was taking a census.
"That’s the worst attempt at lying I have ever heard."
"But I'm not lying."
"That's another lie and if you keep this up," I warned, "you might end up being President of the United States someday."
Meanwhile, my son returns with a glass of milk.
"What’s this for?"
"You said you can't drink water if you're drowning," he says with a further gleam in his eye.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. My kids are so bright they know how to feign stupidity. Just hand me another glass of water. It makes perfect sense to me.
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
My son is a big complainer when it comes to folding laundry. He’s only seven, but I think he’s capable and this will be a good skill for him as an adult.
Nevertheless, I am constantly thinking of new ways to present this chore without his getting into histrionics. Recently, I called him to my room and showed him my five heaping baskets of clothes. His eyes bugged out. I asked him if he would like to fold these or his own. He very cheerfully volunteered to do his own.
But being the stickler he is for 'fairness' he soon returned with half the basket full of clothes. "These are not mine."
From the center of the mounds of towels I was folding, I asked him if he could fold the extra clothes anyway.
"But they aren't mine."
So I tried guilt. "Fine. Thanks for letting me know I can't count on you."
He didn't crack.
So, I tried philosophy. "Son, if I were drowning in a lake, would you give me a glass of water?"
"What?"
"If I were drowning, would you give me water?"
"Oh," he said, and left the room with me feeling rather smug. I'd successfully avoided a heated confrontation with philosophy! Who says stay-at-home-moms don't use their college education? I congratulated myself on how smart I am and how smart my kids are. And while I was glowing with these thoughts, my son returned...with a glass of water. He had a gleam in his eye, too.
That's how it is with kids. You have to possess the faculties of a lawyer just to stay one step ahead of these munchkins. When you succeed you gloat and enjoy the moment because you're going to fail the next seven moments in a row.
For instance, while I was folding clothes I heard the sound of the lid on the cookie jar being removed. "Who's in the cookie jar?" I yelled down the hall.
"Nobody!"
"Who is nobody?"
"Nicole."
"What are you doing in the cookie jar?"
"Counting them." Suddenly, the nobody that was doing nothing in the cookie jar was taking a census.
"That’s the worst attempt at lying I have ever heard."
"But I'm not lying."
"That's another lie and if you keep this up," I warned, "you might end up being President of the United States someday."
Meanwhile, my son returns with a glass of milk.
"What’s this for?"
"You said you can't drink water if you're drowning," he says with a further gleam in his eye.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. My kids are so bright they know how to feign stupidity. Just hand me another glass of water. It makes perfect sense to me.
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Exercising With Toddlers
©Lisa Barker
I’ve been exercising to some of Richard Simmons' exercise videos.
Let me tell you. I thought I had it all worked out. I’d wait until anyone old enough to laugh at me had gone to school or work for the day, but nooo. Were all my problems solved by that little strategy? Not on your life.
At first the toddlers happily plunked themselves on the sofa. I guess they thought we were going to watch a new movie.
Then the action started and they looked agog, then bewildered by my strange movements. What in the world is mom doing?
And then they started throwing obstacles in my path: sofa cushions, toys and the remote. It was as if to say, "Change the channel!" They even attacked my legs and tried to hold me still.
So being the devoted mom that I am, I put them in their room to play with a billion toys so I could do this little thing for myself for thirty minutes. Oh, the protests and the wails! What a terrible mom am I!
But I jiggled on (that’s what happens after you have a few kids and don’t exercise) ignoring their pitiful cries and even the phone.
And when I was done, I’d successfully sweat buckets and had the old heart pumping nicely.
The next day I tried again. Immediately, the kids cried out when they saw the little man with the puffy 'do.' He was not as motivating to my toddlers as he apparently was to the group exercising with him. My one-year-old quickly turned off the television.
I turned it back on.
"Spob," I was told, which translates to SpongeBob.
"No Spob. Momma needs to exercise."
So the other grabbed the remote and managed to change the channel to The Wiggles. And then THEY started dancing around in front of the television. "Move over, Mom. This is how it's done!"
Gee, I bet Richard Simmons never thought of his exercise routine as outdated. But, it's true. Next to The Wiggles, who can really work up a sweat of their own, Richard is an oldie.
So much for the video, Mr. Simmons! Today we're going to "point our fingers and do the twist...then we're gonna go up and back down, get back up and turn around...can you point your fingers and do the twist?"
Yes, I can! Apparently, if Momma wants to exercise while the Wiggles play, then she can exercise all she wants.
So now the toddlers and I are in sync. And it's working into our daily routine pretty well. I'd write more, but right now I have to 'do the monkey, elephant and tiger,' right after I dance with hot potatoes, mashed bananas and cold spaghetti.
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
I’ve been exercising to some of Richard Simmons' exercise videos.
Let me tell you. I thought I had it all worked out. I’d wait until anyone old enough to laugh at me had gone to school or work for the day, but nooo. Were all my problems solved by that little strategy? Not on your life.
At first the toddlers happily plunked themselves on the sofa. I guess they thought we were going to watch a new movie.
Then the action started and they looked agog, then bewildered by my strange movements. What in the world is mom doing?
And then they started throwing obstacles in my path: sofa cushions, toys and the remote. It was as if to say, "Change the channel!" They even attacked my legs and tried to hold me still.
So being the devoted mom that I am, I put them in their room to play with a billion toys so I could do this little thing for myself for thirty minutes. Oh, the protests and the wails! What a terrible mom am I!
But I jiggled on (that’s what happens after you have a few kids and don’t exercise) ignoring their pitiful cries and even the phone.
And when I was done, I’d successfully sweat buckets and had the old heart pumping nicely.
The next day I tried again. Immediately, the kids cried out when they saw the little man with the puffy 'do.' He was not as motivating to my toddlers as he apparently was to the group exercising with him. My one-year-old quickly turned off the television.
I turned it back on.
"Spob," I was told, which translates to SpongeBob.
"No Spob. Momma needs to exercise."
So the other grabbed the remote and managed to change the channel to The Wiggles. And then THEY started dancing around in front of the television. "Move over, Mom. This is how it's done!"
Gee, I bet Richard Simmons never thought of his exercise routine as outdated. But, it's true. Next to The Wiggles, who can really work up a sweat of their own, Richard is an oldie.
So much for the video, Mr. Simmons! Today we're going to "point our fingers and do the twist...then we're gonna go up and back down, get back up and turn around...can you point your fingers and do the twist?"
Yes, I can! Apparently, if Momma wants to exercise while the Wiggles play, then she can exercise all she wants.
So now the toddlers and I are in sync. And it's working into our daily routine pretty well. I'd write more, but right now I have to 'do the monkey, elephant and tiger,' right after I dance with hot potatoes, mashed bananas and cold spaghetti.
---------------------------------------------------
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
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